“why don’t you wear it?”
I turn 26 on december 5, 2003. I want you to buy me one of the following things for it:
  • a vespa motor scooter in some washed-out color like pistachio
  • a trip to japan (please throw in some yen so I can eat)
  • ipod, airport, nokia 3650, blah blah all that technology garbage
  • a cockatoo, or at least a parrot

... lately I have found parrots way too funny. I totally want one flapping around my house. it would crack me up on such a regular basis it would be worth it to clean its shit out of hard-to-reach places. seriously, have you ever stared a parrot in the face? I mean lately. if you have not, you should. if you live in brooklyn, go to williamsburg (bedford via L), get out, and go to the cellfone store on bedford between N6th and N7th. there is a parrot there, in a cage. look at it. then tell me I'm wrong.

also yeah, like I've been telling everyone, you should see 'spirited away'. I'd put that on my list but I'm buying it soon even tho I'm dirty poor. the divx copy I grabbed simply will not cut it. ayup.

ok yeah. parrot. rock me. thanks!

-fish

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07/28/2003 17:16:30 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“I’m not intelligent”
I love eating fresh peaches. the act of really biting into a fresh, non-bruised peach makes me want to MAKE LOVE. the shit's unbelievable when done right. whoever came up with peaches was onto something. ho yes.

last night was nuts. I was all settled in in my apartment when jesse called from his fucked up house out in the country. he explained that he and alan had lost power, and would I like to come over and hang with them while they jerryrigged an AC powerstrip in jesse's minivan, via a cigarette lighter adapter, and made techno in the car with laptops until the power came back? my answer: why sure. I ran over there and ate up all their fajitas (cuz they had just made fajitas, you see, and I was hungry) and then proceeded to fuck with the car. we had it all set up perfectly for like five minutes in there, with the entire county dark except for the van and us in there with three laptops and a disco ball, when we blew some sort of fuse deep within the car that none of us knew how to deal with.

fortunately, the power returned shortly thereafter, and we took turns riding a bike through the backyard area while wearing headphones blasting strange music and being chased by the others, who were carrying a strobelight and attempting to torment and unnerve the rider. I enjoyed this.

bleah. I'm real hungry tho despite all the hott peaches I've been chowing on. I haven't been able to procure much in the way of real food cuz I'm broke. it's pretty retarded but hey, c'est la guerre. I should be unbroke soon, but really we're talking about food here. I sure would like to eat some. yessir. gosh.

so yeah I had something interesting I was going to say but I completely forgot what it was. fuck. lesse... I'm sure it wasn't anything nerd-related, despite my typical propensity for nerdy rambling. hrm. perchance it was girl-related. that's quite possible, yeah. too bad I can't remember. might've even been something juicy! but actually no, anything juicy I'd clearly remember and eagerly go on about w/o any of this metacommentary bullshit. I'll just tell you right now: there ain't no juicy. so sorry. well hrm. damn. I'm fuckin stumped. fuck this, in that case. more later when my memory magically unfucks itself, ha.

-fish

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09/12/2002 15:01:57 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“mega dumb”
oh shit. ABORT MISSION!!! party moved to the 20th. please update yr calendars!

http://IRUNRAP.com/megadumb.pdf
http://IRUNRAP.com/megadumb.pdf
http://IRUNRAP.com/megadumb.pdf
http://IRUNRAP.com/megadumb.pdf
http://IRUNRAP.com/megadumb.pdf
http://IRUNRAP.com/megadumb.pdf


rock on, so sorry. let me know if this fucks yr life up. I'll write more when I'm not frantically correcting my earlier lies. come to the party tho! the 20th kicks the 6th's ASS!!!

-fish

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09/02/2002 19:36:55 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“MEGADUMB 2002. yes.”
so next week, this is what you're doing on friday: your'e coming to my motherfucking party . there's just no question. I love you far too much not to see yr gorgeous self there gyrating to exquisitely hot beats while bathed in the unearthly glow of video by yrs truly. yep.

anyway that's all I have to say. dig IRUNRAP.com for the full skinny, or email me, or just come to my house and rub my feet and tell me stories. these are all options. word life.

-fish

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09/01/2002 02:37:06 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“I feel old.”
so yeah, I feel super fucking old. I never thought I'd feel old. frequently I tell my friends, some of whom are younger than I, who tell me that they feel old to blow me. cuz really. I'm not old. I'm 24. that's not old. that's fucking young. so no reason for me to feel old at all, right? I mean, I physically don't feel old. I don't walk with a cane or take laxatives and I can stay up and do fun shit late at night and drink assloads of coffee and/or alcohol without horrendous, comically exaggerated after effects. yeah.

but you know what I miss? I'll tell you. or at least I'll try to tell you. I miss when I was like 16 or so and I'd wake up at noon on a rainy saturday and I'd sneak out of my house and drink a bunch of coffee, which affected me in a truly stunning way back then, and take the boston subway to central square, and I'd walk around in the rain with this sneaky feelinging that I'd escaped, like, I'd escaped the routine of the retardo day-to-day and I was out of the loop, and I could do whatever I wanted with my time.

what I actually did was do stuff like go to used bookstores and record stores and coffee places and try to front like I was cool and indie and all that, basically. but that's not the point, no, the point isn't the actual picayune fact of what I'd do. the point is the feeling of escaping the normal shit. I haven't felt that way in a while, I suppose, and that realization makes me feel all old and shit.

I sorta kinda felt cool and sneaky like that in australia, a little bit, sometimes.

I dunno. it's just how it is sometimes. please excuse my hideously trenchant nostalgia. that's the order of the day tho so there, yeah.

aiiight now I'm going to go watch movies. that'll take my mind off of this stupid shit, yeah. wordup.

-fish

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08/30/2002 22:41:53 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“and all you ecstasy cats poppin dope like that”
so like, I'm going to this concert on friday, and I realized that I'd d/led the newest de la album a while ago but never listened, so just now I put it on while doing various things around my house, and in doing so I've found out something that everyone else already knows: this album, called 'AOI BIONIX' or some such thing, sounds much better when you're listening to it from two rooms away with a fan on, so that all you hear is the bass, cuz that way, yr brain fills in the parts of the spectrum it can't hear with music that actually might be good. it's just not that great, really, and alls I can think of is that line from the bobby digital hit 'BONG BONG', wherein mr. digital says, loosely and politically correctedly paraphrased: "why you r+b recording artists try to SING like that??!?" geez.

the show should be dope anyway. I mean, modest mouse. and plus the flaming lips, whose new album is mind-twistingly cheezy but for some reason is causing me to hit 'play' fairly frequently these days. and cake. and, erm, 'kinky'. I don't know 'kinky' but their website has some pretty ill vectors, and so yeah that'll be just face-meltingly great I'm sure.

my house feels like such a home. what a retardedly domestic-sounding thing it is to say, yeah, but fo'real, it's nice sometimes to just chill like that. my mom came up this weekend, and so I cleaned the shit out of the place beforehand, and also she bought me a chair from this furniture store in cohoes that's probably the only furniture store with any embedded postmodern cultural awareness in like a 200 mile radius. it's this gorgeous shade of emerald green, and it's comfortable without being lethally, sleep-inducingly comfortable, and you can throw yr leg over the armrest and read a book and it's just fuckin great, yeah.

fuck I'm getting OLD. not only do I not know who 'kinky' is, but look, I'm going on and on about how great a CHAIR is. what a problem.

bleah. so I installed the demo version of jitter on my os9 partition, and I must admit, it looks good. some problems but generally it looks good. waaaay better than nato at any rate. cycling74 are just wierd sometimes tho... like WHY they decided to make the jitter logo a photo of afucking pointy-headed cat wearing oversized black-frame 'indie rock' glasses is thoroughly beyond me. wierdos.

anyway yeah. now my stomach hurts cuz I slammed too much grapefruit juice. the next logical step, therefore, is to assault my gastric cavity with an entire pot of shitty coffee, and then stay up too late calling all my friends in new york on the fone desperately seeking crashpads for the weekend. that's the move. hellsyeah. I'm out.

-fish2k.00

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08/21/2002 21:48:26 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“1st update ever from 14 1st street troy ny 12180”
yo so I got internet in my house, like finally. there's a 'road runner' cable modem sticking out of my spanktatic new laptop, and the bandwith it provides is bringing these words to YOU!! yessir. soon, the airport will arrive, and it'll be like that only I'll be in bed eating bonbons while I rant, cuz I mean really, isn't that every geek's wet dream? yes. it must be.

my house is a total looney bin this weekend. my brother and his friend janel visited last night, and my mom is here too. mom's up so we can shoot a freaky video piece (it's gonna be part of the work series, as it turns out; I'm getting all this nuts footage of her dancing around in a radiation suit, fo'real). so I only have one bed, so of course I give that to moms, and my brother and janel slept out in the main room. I stayed back in the work room, which is unairconditioned, and got pretty much zero sleep.

plus, this morning (a saturday), I was rudely awakened by the 'road runner' fellow ringing the doorbell, at like NINE AM. but that's really quite ok in the long run, considering the benefits he conferred upon me.

anyway now my brother's gone back (he was only here cuz some dude in a neighboring town was advertising some car my brother liked the looks of) and it's just me and mom, and we're having a nice steak and potatoes dinner real soon. yep. she's going to crash at like 9, at which point I'm going to stay up late in the work room, pounding coffee and designing the shit out of some shit... now that I have a computer and internet at home, NOTHING CAN STOP ME and soon I will EAT YOU FOR LUNCH. yes.

ok so it was a quick retarded entry, but what do you want from me anyway, I'm a quick retard. word life.

-fish

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08/17/2002 18:19:32 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“breakitdown like shaZZAM.”
yo. new computer on my fuckin desk. dual boot osx10.2/os9.2.2 fuckin 800 mhz ass-kicker- tastic pile of SHIT. look out world. no longer will I have to reach for a pencil at home when the urge to churn out the deezign strikes at 2AM.

right now it's updating the system software. I hope to god this 'jaguar' shit fixes up OSX real nice, cuz I got some beefs. I mean I payed $7 for a shareware thing that granted me the priveledge of customizing the apple menu in 10.1.5, which was free in 9 and below. bleah. I mean yeah, cool, UNIX, aqua, that's all very nice, but ultimately I'll rock anything that lets me, erm, rock. yessir. os9, photoshop6, and illy9 were really just fine for just about everything.

but whatever. fuck computers. they're dumb. I should tell you about my life, right? right. yesterday a bunch of my friends called me to talk about THEIR lives, and talk they did, en extremis. both joy lynn and vicki were having shitty days and they both called to unload. in joy lynn's case I practically said nothing but the typical fonecall type puncuation words ('yeah', 'uh hunh', 'no shit', 'word up' etc) while she totally raked her roommate over the coals. it didn't sound like a fun situation at all. I do enjoy hearing my friends rant. as the song goes, other people's lives seem more interesting cuz they ain't mine, and plus I know I do that sort of thing all the time (call people up, unload my life's problems, say 'bye!' and hang up) so it's good to get the karma in there for that shit, yes.

after that, vicki called me up, still in the throes of a messy breakup. vicki's like one of my oldest friends, and we can totally rock the completing-each-others-sentences-without-being- really-irritating game. it was good, cuz I think I was able to distract her from her misery, even if only briefly. that was quite nice, yessir.

bleah. who wants to rock me in the ass w/ a quicktime 6 serial? and a copy of the old program 'shrinkwrap', the format for which, for some reason, all my old apps and fonts are archived with?

ok yeah. more interesting shit is actually happening in my life, just not right now, but it's all on the fucking calendar I swear so I'll get back to you, yeah. word life.

-fish

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08/16/2002 15:15:50 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“trash the place!”
oh man. I know I said I wouldn't update for awhile but I just pulled the slickest move ever. I have my big a/v battle royal tomorrow, so jesse and I just stormed over to my opponents' house, where we rang the bell and then attacked him with two cameras. now I have tons of high-grade images of HIS FUCKING FACE which I'm going to fuck up completely. I'm in the process of rendering an animated vectorized fist punching him in the mouth repeatedly. it's too ill. I can't wait.

ok that's all. I had to get that off my chest. sometimes I just rule. most of the time I don't but sometimes I do, and you know this. yessir. wordup. more later after the battle.

-fish

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08/13/2002 00:13:24 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“nothing no mo”
yeah so I haven't updated in a while. this here shit is on 'hiatus' officially until my computer situation spontaneously unfucks itself. so sorry.

I'll update faster if you buy me 'maetl' from the TPC. I swear to god. then I can redo the interface, maybe add rss support, shit like that. right? right!

in the meantime: all I need is: my house, my gat, my act. I love you. talk soooon!

-fish

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08/07/2002 22:54:18 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“ILLUSTRATOR FUCKING SUCKS!!!!”
what the FUCK. whenever I have illustrator and soundjam open I CRASH LIKE A TRAINWRECK. this is RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE. and don't tell me not to use soundjam. I fucking KNOW. I should be on osx but first I have to reformat this shit eating grabastic computer and I can't do that right now cuz it has ALL OF MY LIFE'S WORK ON IT cuz I have no laptop.

so yeah next week when my new laptop is in the shit eating house I'll take this filthy machine to the motherfucking cleaners but right now I'm in HELL. I actually yesterday used illustrator on the fucking PC, can you imagine that? with like no fucking fonts and this cheezy fucking mouse and it SUCKED but I had NO CHOICE.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRGHHHHHH.

and what is with this shit where you draw a fucking CIRCLE and then try and select it and it draws this horrndous garbled mess instead of your nice simple straight-up circular path?!!? WHAT IS WITH THAT!!??!? like this computer can't do some MATH?!?! HELLO!!!!! BITCHASS!!! 1 + 1 = 2!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT I KNOW YOU CAN!!!!

that's it. I'm pissed. smoke my dong.

-fucking FISH

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07/19/2002 14:23:39 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“wildcat… whssssssshhhhhhhh….”
so empirically I have discovered what everyone already must've known: the automobile industries are feeding us all schuuuuge packs of lies. cuz like, in all those car commercials, they show some dude driving a car 100mph+ down some crazy hillside road w/ no other cars or irritating pedestrians or potholes or anything. just pure EXCITEMENT, yes. well fuck that. what I want is a car built for driving in new york city. it will feature the following:
  • super gnarly tires (possibly w/ retratctable spikes) and suspension for dealing with shitty roads, potholes, etc
  • 'turbocharger' and/or nitrous for stop-n-go fun
  • wheels that rotate 90 degrees to facilitate parallel parking in tiny spaces
  • video cameras in rear bumper, to better see what assholes behind you are up to
  • onboard computer that knows where to get gas, where cheap bagels are, etc. and will also call your friend via cellfone and provide excuses for showing up late
  • looks hot, to impress ladies and/or make men jealous
... right? right.

anyway so yeah we seriously rocked the motherfuckin spot down on rooseveldt island this past saturday. kevin luddy will be hosting a quicktime of my freakout video shit sometime soon. it was good to play live again; I threw everything incl. the kitchen sink at the audience, jesse dropped both '1977' and 'top billin' on 'em, and at the end we slowed everything down to 6 BPM while pumping our pointed fingers in the air and (appropriately) screaming '6 BPM!!!' at people.

maqui showed up, too. that was interesting. if you want to know more about that you can mail me cuz I sure as fucking ain't tellin no web browser about that shit, nono, sorry.

the weekend was, as nyc weekends for myself tend to be, super action packed. I crashed at Z's place, and she was all nice and fed me good food, but her new cat ('gambi') really failed to win me over. it was in my face CONSTANTLY both saturday and sunday morning in the interval between 6 and 9 AM, which really sucked when you consider I've spent the whole last week in a crack haze due to my video shoot and preparations for the weekend, etc, so yeah I really really didn't need this motherfucking wackjob of a cat meowing at 200 dB right next to my head in the early morn.

yeah but aside from that everything was ill, pretty much. not only was the show real nice but I spent the rest of saturday running around and seeing people and generally acting nuts. I drove all over the city, from the upper recesses of long island city to the bowels of downtown bklyn, and all in between. I got my due dose of chinatown in and all that entails (pearl paint, excellent m-f'n dumpling house, bottles of ribena(tm), useless weird pieces of plexiglas, etc). there was a brief stopover at a parteee with college friends wherein drunk girls shouted 'I LOVE YOU!!!' to me while I drove off in a puff of smoke. there was also too much coffee at all hours of the day, a thoroughly fruitless search for 'S,M,L,XL' in various artsy fartsy bookstores, gin 'n' tonics, a bklyn backyard screening of 'the royal tenenbaums' super duper special edition digital video disc, and soul-crushing bumper-to-bumper BQE traffic problems.

word so yeah. if I get more nyc gigs I'm gonna fly high, you watch. that shit is the definition of ill I reflect. now I'm sunburned and I'm going to go lie down for a looong time and read a book and curse the fact that I don't have a personal foot masseuse. yes.

-fish!

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07/15/2002 17:08:34 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“LIVE !!!! LIVE !!!! LIVE”
so yeah. so this saturday I'm rockin' this with my posse the Concentric Rectangles. steel yrself for bracing hellrides of nightmarishly digital bullshit. there'll be other stuff there too. to tell you the truth I know next to nothing about the event except for the following factoids:
  • it's this saturday.
  • it's on rooseveldt island.
  • we're playing it.
  • it's, um, artistic and shit. yes.
... so other than that I can't help you but yes you should come anyway cuz I'll be there and I'll shake yr hand and I'll buy you a drink, too, if you bring a printout of this page! that's cuz I love drinks. yesyes.

so yeah I'm single now. doesn't change that much about my life I must say. in fact it leads me to call the validity of these 'relationships', which are very popular w/ the kids these days, into question. I mean really. throughout my life I've spent waaaaay more time single than I have in a relationship, and when I was in a relationship shit was so generally intense that it sucked eventually. do I really want this sort of horrendous disparity in my life? no. so fuck it.

I'm into my work now anyway and that shit would just distract me. historically, this has been the case as well: I think it was my early web work that first soured things w/ my first girlfriend, and plus when I was at liquidesign I used to go out for coffee w/ my friends there, and they would always skillfully note any attractive girls in the area, whereas I was well-known for being easily distracted by interesting looking objects that had nothing to do with girls; the primo example of this is when I spotted a girl carrying a neon green poster tube and was like 'check HER out!' to my pals, who subsequently never let me forget how wack that was, yes.

so anyway yeah fuck all that shit. I still think maqui's great and all, it's just that we're not dating, you see. yessir. these things do happen.

anyway I made one of those amazon.com wish lists and I would really like it if you bought me lots of stuff, esp. 'S,M,L,XL' cuz it costs $165 like used and I don't have $165 cuz I have to buy a new fucking computer next week, cuz (in case you haven't heard) the last one got dropped off the desk one too many times and finally blew up. which, really when you think about it, begs the question, "well fish, how are you going to play your video show with no computer, eh?" and yes that is an excellent question, the answer to which I simply do not know at this time. we shall see, we shall see.

in other news: I really miss new york. next time I go there I'm going to lick times square and bottle some of the east river for later consumption. ho yes.

anyway yes so there you have it, word to all you dudes and dudettes, I'll be back atcha with less retarded words sometime maybe yeah yeah.

yeah!





yeah!

-fish

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07/09/2002 16:37:38 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“cartoon capers!”
yo man, life is some fucked up funny shit sometimes. here's a real brief breakdown of some stuff that happened to me personally of late:
  • a pidgeon got stuck in my house and had to be removed via cardboard box
  • I went to washington, DC and for some reason none of my fucking friends there knew the song 'wahington, DC' by the magnetic fields so I kept singing it and sounding like a dork
  • I broke my fucking laptop
  • I lost my fone but then found it
  • the other fone that broke when I got tossed into a new jersey swimming pool started working again
  • they played a fischerspooner song at 'republic' in union square and I rocked out while eating duck noodles
  • I ate up a shitload of adderal, washed it down with testicle-tighteningly strong coffee, and kicked out some of the hottest motherfucking deezign shits I have in a long-ass time, thus ending the irritating deezign block I've been plagued with lately and I was all happy and walking home at 6 AM being like "yay I can really do this shit after all, word up!" but then I opened the door and had to deal with the aforementioned pidgeon

geez christ, I have to stop this nonsense, I mean all my fucking entries have been lists lately and that's getting threadbare, now ain't it. yeah.

anyway let me now elaborate on the pidgeon thing, cuz it was criminally nuts and cartoon-tastic at the same time. actually before I go on about that I should take it back a few days, to when jesse and I went over to our mutual friend stephan's house to feed his cats while he's on tour w/ his electro act. yeah so we got to stephan's and opened the door and instead of the cats we see a fucking squirrel running tear-assedly around his house and generally freaking out. normal cats would have easily dispatched a squirrel to the void, but both of stephan's cats are apparently serious wusses (despite the fact that they're pretty as hell, etc) and they were both holed up in the attic. so jesse and I had to engage the squirrel, which turned out to be some real road runner v. coyote type shit, let me just tell you... the squirrel would run into some corner, and one of us would chase it down and throw shit at it and/or jangle the nearby furninture to scare it, whereupon the squirrel would all of a sudden FLING itself into midair at about EYE LEVEL and we'd totally recoil in horror and before we knew it the fucking thing would have found its way into another corner. we couldn't get it out any of the windows cuz the screens weren't physically capable of opening (which made the squirrel's presence a real vexing quandary until we later found the damaged skylight upstairs but anyway) so yeah anyway it took a real long time and some serious screaming and throwing shit to sort of route the squirrel out the front door. when it did go, it couldn't just amble out the door either, it had to take a flying leap and pass completely through the top half of the screen door. the situation was hillarious and committably insane at the same time, fo'real.

anyway so yeah the pidgeon thing was basically a replay of this except for the following key differences:
  • it happened in my house and not someone else's house.
  • it happened with a bird, which can more easily move in all dimensions in (x, y, z) space, vs. a squirrel which has to generally obey gravity
  • it happened when I was so beyond tired I can't even begin to tell you
  • I won't really get into this one point of fact but you should know, if you don't already, that birds have very few scruples about where and when they rock a 'number 2', as it were
  • at one point, I trapped the pigeon in one of the secret rooms of my apartment and I sat there staring at the closed door, behind which was the pidgeon, and I had a moral crisis about whether to leave it in there and go away for the weekend, as in for like five minutes I was good and ambiguous, but of course finally I was like "that's completely nuts" and I went and trapped it in a carboard box and let it loose
  • trapping it thusly was not easy: at one point I was crammed up in the dusty corner of the secret room w/ the box in one hand and a stick in the other, with which I was attempting to prod the pidgeon into the box, and there was fiberglass dust from the unfinished walls all over me and in my lungs, etc, and I was screaming "COME ON DUDE!! WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER!! WE CAN *BOTH* SEE THE OUTSIDE WORLD AGAIN IF YOU JUST GET IN THE FRIGGING BOX!!!" and I totally meant it.

... yeah so that really happened. lots of other stuff too: like I said, my computer's fried, and that's wack. but really most things are cool, really, as long as the cartoon animals stay out of my fucking shit. yessir. that's the way it is. more later, yeah!

yeah!

-fish

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06/17/2002 14:15:49 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“CALLING ALL ANIME NERDS!!!”
hi. this is a special fish rant(tm) going out to all you anime nerds out there. I NEED YOUR HELP. I am trying to find a font with numerals similar to the ones visible in certain scenes in the Akira graphic novels. specifically, the numbers that are emblazoned upon the large bank building sign that kaneda falls out of, in maybe one of the books in the 20's or 30s (I personally don't know exactly which one cuz I am not much of an anime nerd myself). the same sort of numbers are on the front of those big blue mobile killer robot death bubble things, I think, in the books in the early teens. yes. I think.

anyway yeah. if you, the reader, are an anime nerd, or for some reason you just happen to know about this shit that I'm going on about here, AND you're a typographical-knowledge powerhouse, then please mail me immediately and tell me all about it. if this entry makes no sense, then please disregard it and go on with your life. I'm tired so I'll post a proper entry when I come back here and I find myself not tired. but for now PLEASE HELP ME!!! I CAN'T FACE THIS HORROR ALONE!!! I MUST KNOW THE FONT, YO!!!!! BLEAH!!!!!

-fish

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06/13/2002 00:36:02 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“saturday night at the office, yup”
yeah so it's saturday night, and I'm at the office, and it's 3:20 AM, and I'm fuckin' tired. let me just say right now that I came in here to do non-work-related shit. I have no internet at my house and I wanted to rock some shit with IRUNRAP.com, so I came in here like 8 hours ago and plugged in my fuckin laptop and woooHAH I'm ready to quit.

see, I'm trying to do an interface for irunrap.com's forthcoming 'current projects' system and I'm totally fucking stuck. my office has chalkboards on two of the walls and right now they're covered with ideas that never made it out of the blastula phase. I'm supervascillatory on how it should all go down. I'm like, simple duotone shit or thickly layered mayhem? animation or no animation? horrendous fake 3D perspectival shit or no horrendous fake 3D perspectival shit? I have no idea. I've been all over the web looking for inspiration (read: underexploited rip-offable visual devices I can latch onto like a lamprey) and even that turned up a grand total of JACK SHIT. so what to do. am I 'washed up'? is this just an off night? should I give up and slap a bunch of helvetica and arrowheads all over some polygons and call it a night?

yeah so that's that. at least I'm thoroughly aurally entertained right now. I got the keys to a hottt new mp3 server out there on the world wide web from a friend of mine, and I've been bumping the freakiest bumps possible. yes.

anyway yeah. I can't wait until tuesday. I bought a car last week, see, and I get to pick it up (or 'take delivery', an expression that frankly makes it sound like they're going to drive it up my ass) on tuesday. that'll be just ducky really.

I am absolutely positive I'm not making much sense, so fuck this entry. it's fuckin DONE. there you have it. more later after a full sleep cycle, food, and other accoutrements. yeah.

-fissss$sssssshhh

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06/02/2002 03:31:01 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“chinatown xpress bus”
so:

FRIDAY: woke up at 10. went to meet professor for whom I designed nato modular performance patch. endured professor's naive comments about powerbooks, reset screen resolution, explained that s-video can only carry 640x480 rez to a projector. left, shaking head. went to work. did no real work; ferverently called and emailed people instead. called jesse after his shift at the organic food co-op. rode w/ him to amtrak. gave him check for $1,000.00 cuz I owed him for the new RapServer and other miscellany. bought amtrak ticket. read New Yorker on train ride to Penn Station. got to Penn and rode A train to west 4th street. went to sprint store where I had bought defunct cellfone. slapped busted fone on the table and demanded recourse. dealt with snotty sprint pcs employees w/ greasy hair and long island accents. got new fone. walked briskly downtown to soho to meet vicki while playing with new fone. discovered that new fone is extraordinarily stupid and has a ridiculously problematic method for entering names in it. bought gelatto in soho from extremely sexually attractive girl w/ italian accent who was clearly placed at the outdoor gellato stand by a manager or overseer who personally understood the value of employing sexually attractive people to work positions of high visibility. sat on stoop. watched cars in anticipation of vicki's arrival. reeled when she pulled up in an altogether different and unexpected car. exchanged greetings, hugs, ironic air kisses. bought iced coffee beverages. got in car and directed vicki through canal street, east side highway, triborough bridge, interstate 87. squirmed in seat until 1st reststop appeared on left side of road as a result of iced coffee beverage. chatted with vicki about life, love, happiness, language, drive vs. talent, context-based perceptual shear, catty exes, etc. until arrival in newton, MA. got out. said hi to brother jonathan. almost tripped on new cats. apologized. got dirty look from the black and white one. activated annoying new fone on side porch while jonathan smoked marijuana and yelled obscene stuff in background in hopes of disturbing and/or annoying sprint pcs customer service minion. went up to old attic room. fell asleep.

SATURDAY: woke up around noon. put on old robe from closet. went downstairs and ate 'life' brand cereal. discussed wide range of exciting topics with brother including cars, women, new cellular fone technology, bad television, friends, drug abuse, social norms on ebay, stupid people, miscellaneous anecdotes. put on clothing. watched television. went for 'burn ride' with jonathan and bought dunkin' donuts coffee and muffins. drank coffee but left muffin in waxy bag on kitchen counter. saw mom. said hello, exchanged greetings, pleasantries, inquiries. reconciled recently brewed mutual discontent regarding communications, or lack thereof. enjoyed more coffee. borrowed old toyota from mom. drove around old neighborhood nostalgically while blasting top 40 R'n'B hitz on toyota stereo. drove past old high school, old pot smoking alcove, old friends' houses, old coffee shop hangout, et cetera. bought 1/2 gallon of milk. barbecued lamb chops and steak with mom and jonathan. substituted majoram for rosemary in the making of garlic marinade for lambchops. ate them. went out with brother and his friend zach to see star wars episode II at local suburban supermegaplexxx. enjoyed popcorn, reeses' pieces, yoda swordfight, blade-runner-esque cityscapes, absurd natalie portman outfits. disliked frenetic special effects overload and love subplot. went home. reread parts of old copy of 'infinite jest'. fell asleep.

SUNDAY: woke up with taste of bizarre dreams in mouth, at around noon. got dressed. took shower. called people. sat around. watched more tv with brother. watched 'true lies'. marveled at disparity between terrorists portrayed in movie and those in real life. enjoyed watching arnold schwartzenegger blow things up and shoot guns. fixed brothers' computer. checked email. played 'snood'. got fed up with relentless indoor activity, closed computer, went out to backyard and sat in grass for 15min. got annoyed at bugs. went back in. ate fruit salad and yogurt with mom, conversed. called friends. rode boston subway (aka 'the T') to boston. met old boston friend. procured and cooked elk steak and emu meat. thoroughly enjoyed eating these things. smoked DET out of test tube. made countless references to crack cocaine during hallucinogenic experience that lasted aproximately 1 or 2 hours. hung out. illegally copied mp3 files over computer network. laughed, socialized. left at midnight. put on headfones and walked to subway ('the T'). gave dirty looks to bevy of subway trains headed in wrong direction. got on appropriate home-bound train. used headfones, smiles, and well-timed glances to deflect attentions of schitzo subway rider sitting nearby who attempted to draw me into numerous conversations. went home. couldn't sleep well from DET abuse. read more 'infinite jest'. slept eventually.

MONDAY: woke up in panic, wondering about how to get back to troy. checked amtrak, greyhound schedules. pointlessly lamented carless status. called vicki. got info on chinatown xpress bus. called up. was told the bus was sold out. called vicki back. had her call chinatown xpress people and explain situation in Mandarin. got bus ticket reservation confirmation. engaged in inevitable verbal skirmish with family members. indignantly grabbed stuff and left. got 1/2 way down the block, realized stupidity of leaving home on bad note. called up brother, apologized. came home. said hi to cats. apologized to mother. got ride into chinatown. picked up ticket. got ride from mother and boyfriend to newbury street. went back to DET friends'. got more chemicals to take back to troy and share with friends there. rode subway ('the T') to other friends'. bought more chemicals. met vicki in chinatown. dropped off some of the chemicals, got 60 bucks cash. shoved 60 bucks into pocket. ate steamed pork dumplings. chatted with vicki and her sister lulu. got on chinatown bus. listened to music off laptop until power ran down. listened to portable mp3 player until power ran down. read new york times magazine until sun set. stared out window at headlights, other cars, traffic, road signs, buildings etc. got to new york. made fone calls. discovered 60 bucks was not in pocket. cursed loudly. searched wallet in vain. ducked back in bus. failed to find 60 bucks on seat, under seat, around seat, on bus floor. cursed more. shrugged. ran up to 13th street. went to maqui's restaurant. saw maqui taking break, eating dinner w/ coworker at outdoor table. ran back down street to bodega with flower shop. tried in vain to find flower guy. ran inside, demanded flowers from cashier. took poorly wrapped exotic-looking red things from annoyed cashier on sidewalk. thrust 5 dollars at his face. ran back to restaurant. ran up to maqui. kissed maqui's cheek, gave her flowers, hypermanically explained situation. apologized for not calling last week due to sprint pcs fone problems. exchanged manic goodbyes, more kisses, hugs, waves, winks, etc. ran to 14th street. checked time on fone, hailed cab. rode to Penn Station. bought copy of harpers'. got on last train to albany. met pal stefan from troy on last train. chatted, drank amtrak coffee. read harpers'. started to write short fictional story on laptop while stefan snored loudly. arrived in albany at 2:30 AM. rode cab driven by utterly insane albany cabbie to troy. paid. wished stefan goodnight. went home. put on ambient music. went to sleep.

TUESDAY: found 60 bucks in bag. smiled.

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05/28/2002 12:44:28 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“pause by fortet is a good fucking album, yes yes.”
yes so here are some lists.

other good music:
  • phonem, 'hydro electric'
  • blackalicious, 'blazing arrow'
  • edan, 'primitive plus'
  • basement jaxx, 'remedy' (yeah yeah tres dumb I know shut up)
  • the magnetic fields, 'get lost'
  • belle+sebastian, 'legal man'
  • susumu motherfucking yokota, 'image 1983 - 1998'
  • blonde redhead, the french ep, whatever the fuck it's actually called, I dunno, I have it on ILLEGALLY COPIED MP3 AUDIO FILES so I don't know
  • beastie boys, "paul's boutique" (but you knew that)

objects I broke in new york last weekend:
  • old cellfone (startac, shitty, no antenna)
  • favorite hoodie
  • new cellfone (some samsung thing, shiny, worked great for +/-24hrs)
  • 2nd favorite shoulder bag
  • laptop pcmcia card slot
  • bottle of shampoo

objects I purchased in new york last weekend:
  • new cellfone, to replace busted old cellfone, see above
  • lightweight nylon grey t5s jacket, to replace dead hoodie in rainstorm
  • lame black backpack, to replace shoulder bag (actually maqui paid for this one cuz she totally rules and cuz she felt bad cuz the bag broke while we were climbing over the fence at the accessible end of macdougal alley so we could see the nyu president's expensive house, it was only 30 bucks or some such thing but my god that was a lovely thing to do, yes?)
  • shampoo (see above)

things I called the collective establishment of sprint pcs, after I ran into supreme bullshit trying to deal with the dead fone, in the parking lot of the thai restaurant in albany last monday night where jesse and I had consumed strong cocktails along with dinner (which was pretty decent, the thai food was, at least by 'capital district' standards, that is):
  • 'assholes'
  • 'fucking assholes'
  • 'fucks'*
  • 'dirty fucks'
  • 'dirty fucking assholes'
  • 'ass-fuckitty cock-gobbling mutant shitfaces'
  • 'imbecilic retards from mars'
  • 'total fucks'
  • 'space alien martian astronauts'
  • 'wack'
  • 'wackjobs'
  • 'shit eating bastard wackjob fucks'
  • 'complete and total fucks'
  • 'unbelievable bullshit slave monster fucks'
  • many recombinations of the above, I can't fully recall, I was drunk
* = this was my favorite of all of these and I returned to it many times with varying amounts of gusto and inflection while shaking assorted combinations of limbs at various inanimate objects and jesse's bemused face, alternatively

food I got today at the organic grocery co-op (the highlights):
  • stinky but delicious cheese
  • 3 separate and distinct kinds of granola
  • lasagna noodles w/ spizznatch
  • enough avocados for a heart attack
  • bottle of incredibly fatty milk
  • olives stuffed with cloves of garlic
  • fresh cider
  • utterly pointless bottle of tomato sauce that will join the 4 or 5 identical bottles in the fridge and will remain there as a stoic testament to the fact that I really should make a fucking food list before I go to the store

fundamentally problematic debacles I currently face in life
  • lack of cellfone (see above)
  • lack of equipment access (they closed the studios and equipment room for the summer so I can't just reach out and grab piles of hideously expensive a/v equipment like I used to be able to)
  • the usual "I miss new york / I want a real bagel / troy and the capital district sure do suck ass" type bullshit
  • the fact that, although I really really do adore maqui, this shulemite character (see: 12, 16, and pages from my other journal if you're kool enough to know where I keep it at) recently emailed me and it's just bizarre really, cuz while my feelings for maqui are unvacillatingly good and all that all the old 'crush' type vibes from shulemite came rushing back w/ a vengeance just when I got her mail, and like I personally have never felt that way before, like I've never been 'into' two people at once really, not like this, and it's just utterly bizarre (as I mentioned) and quite disorienting. usually when I've been into a girl, I've been into her and that's been that. the simultaneous and disparate emotional swells I get when I think of either shulemite or maqui (and it's a real hellride treat if I should imagine them at once, like side-by-side in the mental picture) are fucking me up big time and generally driving me to avoid the real world and geek out a lot, as I have been for the past week and a half or so, not counting this last weekend, when I was in NYC and (as I mentioned above) broke a bunch of objects and (among other hectec shit) hung out with maqui, which was unflinchingly good, despite this internal emotional mess bullshit.
  • the fact that I don't have a car and so when I have to get anything more significant than a can of soda, or go someplace further away than 'downtown troy', I have to bother my friends.

stuff I got in the mail this week:
  • new, functional cellfone (thanks vicki, you rule!)
  • 5 mini dv tapes
  • 9 vhs tapes
  • 4 no-brand blank dvd's that might suck, we shall see
  • bill for the doctor copay, $10
  • bill for student loans, $400+
  • card from mom
  • tax refund, yeah!

freelance and personal jobs and work in the pipeline
  • website for my mom's rich childhood friend
  • mpg2 and dvd installation stuff for michael oatman, who lives in troy and is like the greatest artist EVER, I have no link for him at the moment, but do take my word for it, his shit's HOTTT
  • nato patch for this really dubious video/dance 'collaboration' 'performance' thing that a professor here (who shall remain nameless right now) is trying to do
  • irunrap.com server transfer
  • some new and different super-secret hifi-lofi conceptual bridge crossmodal fucked up bullshit that I can't tell you about right now but I assure you that when it's finally done it will knock your sweet bobbysocks right off
  • some questionable but potentially ill exhibitions and performances in, you guessed it, NEW YORK CITY, all the info tba so I can shove it in your personal face, god willing.

places I have gone this year on the weekends to avoid troy:
  • poughkeepsie, NY
  • new york, NY
  • orlando, FL
  • san fransisco, CA
  • boston, MA (goin' back this very weekend, in fact)
  • washington DC (well not yet but that's next on my big list, yeahyeah, if you're from there tell me what I should do cuz like I don't know the place at all really)

things I paused the writing of this entry to do:
  • serreptitiously dub 'style wars' grafitti doco from rental videocassete
  • install perl modules on rap
  • go to the bathroom
  • drink 'dr. pepper' and eat 'milky way' food products
  • change cd's and mp3 playlists around
  • whup jesse's sorry ass at ping-pong

yes. oh but yes. it's all true.

-fish

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05/23/2002 00:30:16 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“AAAARGH!”
I fuckin' rebooted the laptop with a SUPER FUCKING HOTT JOURNAL ENTRY just SITTING there in the browser, fresh and unposted and virginal like that, cuz I'm dumb. now it's gone forever. well fuck you, laptop. you're a dick.

what I was going to say, before my asshole laptop did me all dirty like that, was that my new york city weekend was a lovely illride of smiley happy fantastic bullshit. I didn't go record shopping, get laid, or sleep well, but who cares really at the end of the day, when your day includes such highlights as an antipop consortium live throwdown in williamsberg, the purchase of a flamboyant and absurd polyester shirt, the obliteration and subsequent reconstitution of an OSX filesystem on one of them newfangled freaky iMacs, high-grade thai food, the serreptitious recharging of cellfone and computer batteries from outlets in restaurants and bars, 'monte cristo' diner sandwiches, back massages, astoria blvd. backyard barbecues, sizzlin' hottt summer weather, the MoMA design store in soho, brunch dates with former crushes turned 'old friends', the futile act of chasing after subway tokens that would seem to have it in for you cuz they roll right for the tracks and down to the street below, financial district rooftop intoxicants and revelry, wesley willis quotes, nostalgia, frustration, giddiness, stupidity, stop-and-go traffic, missed calls, bad directions frantically scrawled on receipts, sunlight so stupefyingly gorgeous you literally stop in your tracks, beer, wine, cigarettes, Fresh Samanthas(tm), badly packed backpacks, and coffee purchased for no other reason except for the fact that it's the only way to get the restroom key.

yeah I had all that stuff in that last paragraph neatly summarized in a coherent, readable fashion in the entry that my shit eating laptop just dispatched to the void, but I'm lazy and I'll be damned before I retype all that shit. phoot.

anyway yeah I'm goin' right back, too. it's the summer and the workload and stress level here are practically nonexistant. I can get here at noon, work 'till it's done, and clip my fridays early to bolt off to new york. it's really too easy and geez I should stop gloating about it before someone finds me and tortures me. I mean really.

hrm. I wonder if this journal is getting lame. my perception, albiet horribly skewed, is that I a) either talk about how great/lame my weekend was or b) bitch moodily about internal emotional crap in a whiny, annoying voice. it's a hard one to say, really. I've been meaning to facelift it for some time, but I'm pretty busy, and while normally I'd do it in the off hours, I have yet to fully engage head-on with the cable modem roadrunner people and as such I'm completely free of internet (nay, communication with much of the outside universe) when at home. maybe when that eventually goes down, I'll get more into this 'personal home page' shit. or, maybe I'll just have simpletext read me every single online article about monkeys while I floss my toes with nice ambient music by susumu yokota on in the background. yes.

I say susumu yokota cuz he F'N RULEZZzZ, incedentally. if there was an ambient-musician version of WWF's 'RAW' he would totally be wearing that humongous belt you get when you win. other ambient musicians would stare directly into the camera and angrily shake their fists while talking about all the nasty stuff they'd assuredly do to susumu yokota next time they were in the ring with him.

anyway yeah now I'm excited cuz I just talked to tyler on the fone and we might go to ALBANY!!! and eat THAI FOOD which you certifiably can't get in TROY whatsoever!! that's so totally awesome I could just choke! so yeah yeah!!!!!!!!! more later.

-fisssssh

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05/13/2002 18:41:30 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“pissed off en extremis”
I just locked myself out of the office. it's past 6 so everyone's gone. I broke in via the window and it was appallingly easy. I'm never leaving my laptop here again, I mean you can see the panoply of computers in here right through the aforementioned insecure fenestration. bleah.

so the rpi arts website is still as it was post-hack, and furthermore the sysadmin is being a serious asshole. like this morning when I came in he was outside having a cigarette and he ostentatiously explained to me, in front of my boss the tech director, about how installing the coldfusion server shit was my problem cuz it's a 'web thing' and I'm the 'web master', which is bullshit, cuz if I had to sit around watching retarded windows installer status bars all day I'd get none of the shit I was actually hired to do done. this guy can be a real twerp. he's always posing like he knows his shit, but guess what? if he'd installed the patches I was pestering him to install LAST FUCKING MONTH the fucking hack wouldn't have happened.

so FUCK HIM. yes.

anyway sorry. I had to blow off some work steam. I'm sure that last big paragraph there isn't at all interesting, cuz it's that kind of journal shit wherein the author just bitches about work. hadda be done tho. so sorry.

anyway. also my weekend was wierd but I'm too pissed and tired to even begin to get into it. there were some good times as well as some royally shitty times. there were moments of trancendant sublime beauty and long, drawn-out stretches of boundless agony. there was raving and sweat and phonecalls and angry storming and sunlight filtered through budding leaves and subway tokens and identification documents and loaded questions and bad coffee and fingertips and video projections and terrible puns repeated ad nauseum and potent intoxicants and rooftops and disputed credit card transactions and loving gazes and free lunch and near-miss jaywalking and trenchant nostalgia and very very very good weather.

oh yeah and EXCELLENT DUMPLING HOUSE. word to EXCELLENT DUMPLING HOUSE. I almost forgot about that shit. I ate at excellent dumpling house, again, at long last. if you yourself have not eaten at EXCELLENT DUMPLING HOUSE then really just fuck you, cuz you just. don't. know.

ok yeah more journal when I hate the entire universe a bit less, ciao for now, bleah!

-fish

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05/07/2002 17:33:51 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“vending machine dinner”
so last night I was walking home from the RPI iEAR MFA show, across 'monument square' and down 'broadway' here in troy, new york, when I received a cellfone call from scott smallwood. he asked me if I'd seen the arts website lately. I said, not since before the show, why? he says, cuz it's been HACKED. so I go up there and lo and behold, instead of the site I'd recently redesigned, there was a single purple page with like 48pt helvetica on it screaming the words 'COPYRIGHT 2002 ROCHESTER FUCKING INSTITUTE, ALL RIGHTS RESERVRED.' further inspection of the server revealed that the entire system had been entirely obliterated, like the directory structure was still there but the overarching majority of everything else was utterly gone. you couldn't even open NOTEPAD on that shit cuz it was gone.

yeah so I was super pissed, in large part cuz the attack was so fucking lame, like they didn't say anything clever or do anything interesting, and the wanton malicious destruction of everything on the server was just gratuitous really. I was up until two AM freaking out. finally I got the sysadmin up and in the server room so we could initiate a backup from tape, and as soon as that was underway I went to jesse's house and got entirely ripped on GHB. I burst into his house demanding intoxicants like that, and when he gave me some, I proceeded to babble fanatically about the sucky points of microsoft os security until I fell asleep in a chair in his living room with 'ghost in the shell' on the tv. not really the best way to spell 'relief' but whaddaya want, I live in TROY. blagh.

so this morning was final crits for the grad students, which of course I missed cuz I was busy playing fone tag with the network people and tracking down backups of some of the more estoteric parts of the system and generally freaking my shit. it SUCKED. it still sucks right now as I speak. it's like 8:30 pm and I'm waiting for files to copy to the new server and eating a caramello candy bar and drinking spring water from the vending machines upstairs.

and so yeah. tomorrow I play a big video show in new york city. that, too, is going to blow, for various reasons. my face-melting softVNS performance patch is inexplicably crashing my computer whenever I send serial commands to the video mixer, and the other video artist I'm playing with is this real sick fuck who's into mixing the most pointlessly grotesque and over-the-top shit, like videos of burn victims and car accidents and whatnot, strictly shock shlock, but no one will ever talk shit about it to her face cuz everyone here is so completely bound up in the horrid confines of half-assed political correctness that it can make you fucking choke sometimes. BLAGH. so that's going to be some torturous bullshit. I can see it all coming from ten zillion miles away.

but ah, to walk the streets of new york. yes indeed. I'm sure that part of things will make everything ok. plus I told roughly 25,000 of my personal friends to come to the show, so even if it sucks grandiose piles of ass I can go and get smashed in a bar afterwards with people I love. yes yes y'all. I mean really. we're talking about MAQUI and RECORD SHOPPING and REAL BAGELS and UNION SQUARE and MAQUI and 4AM COFFEE AND CIGARETTES and MAQUI and yes you get the picture, don't you? I'm sure you do. yes.

anyway. I gots work to do. some video, some work on the new improved irunrap.com server, and this overarching hack bullshit. miles to go before I sleep, as they say. what more can I say? TOP BILLIN. that's what we get, we got it good.

-fish

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05/02/2002 19:24:20 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“massive head trauma”
ok so monday I started a big entry in the middle of the day, and I was planning to come back to the office and finish it, but after I ate I ended up smashing myself in the head with a steel pole, and I had to go the hospital and get CAT-scanned, and they said I was ok but then when I got home I puked a bunch of times and I felt lousy enough not to go to work at all on tuesday. so NO ENTRY cuz I hurredly closed the browser window with the half-finished shit in it when I grabbed my computer to go to the hospital. cuz like, how could you possibly go to the hospital with no computer? I mean sheesh.

anyway that happened cuz I was fervorously assembling the frame for the bed I finally got around to buying. I spent sunday night on the floor and when I woke up monday morning I swore it would be the last time. and so yeah, I seriously injured my own head to do it, but sometimes you have to break some eggs to make an omlette, or some such thing. yes. anyway it was imperative at the time that I get the bed, cuz maqui was going to come up and visit this weekend, and honestly I couldn't be like "hey yeah you're super great and nice and thanks for coming up to TROY from new york city to visit, now here's your little piece of the floor, see you in the morning" but that doesn't matter either cuz she actually can't make it up here, which frankly blows, but hey you can't have your cake and then eat it. or maybe it's "a stitch in time saves nine". I forget.

so yeah yeah. my rave partee this weekend got busted up by the cops. it was kind of hillarious really. everything was going quite well. I had all of my shit really super together through alan's live set, and my man scott smallwood was throwing down some more traditionally ravey shit, so I took a break and walked over to the front of the warehouse, where I saw a whole bunch of blinking lights coming from outside. apparently, the fiancee of one of the party's organizers had experienced some sort of skirmish with asthma, and had dialed 911. she was fine by the time the ambulance arrived, but the EMTs didn't like scott's booming bass vibe (which could be thoroughly experienced out on the sidewalk in front of the warehouse, thanks to RPI iEAR's mackie subwoofer) and called the cops. when the cops came up, one of them actually said "YOU CAN'T RUN FROM THE THE PO-LICE!", like when he said 'police' he emphasized the 'po' syllable. we'd turned off the audio, but the projectors were still on, and there was a huge mirrored dual-channel video image of jesse wearing his american flag motorcycle helmet and smushing his face into an overhead projector such that it looked like his face was melting off. the cop looked at this and exclaimed, "WHAT, ARE YOUSE SHOWING A MOVIE, OR SOMETHIN'?" which we all found amusing, in retrospect. all in all, it wasn't that bad, cuz frostbyte somehow managed to convince them that the (admittedly large) room we were in the process of raving in was the full extent of the warehouse, and that the spiraling Borges-esque remainder of the place was not in fact there. how he accomplished this feat of deception is beyond me, cuz the doors that lead from the main rave chamber to the rest of the warehouse look bloody obvious to me, but who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth, right?

yeah so the cops shut down our rave joyride. the rest of the boston trip was okeedokee. I saw my good friend vicki fan and her wacky new pals from work. I also stole my turntable and records back from my mom's house. there was some record shopping as well. also I ate lucky charms for breakfast. geez, what else. I really don't know. my memory must be hazy from getting slammed in the head like that. ah well. if I remember some other shit, I'll post it. it's that simple. word up.

-fish

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04/24/2002 12:59:36 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“californ-eye-aaay”
hi so I'm in a hotel room in california eating STEAK TARTARE, drinking MINIBAR HEINEKEN and watching the ROYAL TENENBAUMS on the tv and isn't it just grand. I just installed the fucking bathroom in the cesar chavez art gallery and I'm living larger than life here on the 14th floor of this swank hotel I would never in my wildest dreams be able to afford were it not for priceline.com (tm). thanks, priceline(tm)!

unfortunately, tho, my happy joyride music is right on the verge of being shut down. as you may be aware (which you will be if you read my latest X- TREME tale of woe and fuckittyfuck) my ex- girlfriend is all up in my shit during this little biznass trip I'm on. she called last night and apparently she's in some town an hour out of SF and I really really really don't want to deal with it, like at all whatsoever, but I feel like if I stray from the unenthusiastic acquiescence I dole out while on the fone w/ her ("yeah I erm guess you could crash here, I suppose; there's nothing technically stopping you from doing so," et cetera) then I'll just flip and give her the 'riot act' as it were and that would be wack. I'm not sure if it'll be more or less wack than actually seeing her will be at this point, and so yeah this all sucks but for real it's an honest-to-god proverbial 'learning experience' in every way. yes god.

anyway yeah. now I'm going out to find one of these human-head-sized burritos that every single san fransisco fan I talked to has gushed about so yeah. more later, when all that shit goes down. if my plane blows up you can have my stuff. I(HEART)U!!

-fish

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04/13/2002 18:17:25 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“MY SO-CALLED CRACK ROCK.”
so everything went completely nuts in the past coupla days. like total apeshit. here's a little list of everything that's driving me completely up the fucking wall:
  • I went to poughkeepsie w/ jesse, cuz he was playing a dodgeball rave there. like a rave, but with dodgeball. he's like "you wanna do video?" and I'm all like "fuck yeah!" but we get there and it's waaaay more 'dodgeball' than 'rave', like it's in a gigantic gym with brilliant, projector-thwarting sodium lights, so I'm stuck with 10 tons of completely useless video equipment. it was pretty cool nonetheless, I mean, jesse did a particularly nutty hiphop throwdown-o-tron, and I got some fucked up footage of the whole mess, but I did get sent to dodgeball 'jail' many times while playing cuz I'm no athlete really. yeah.
  • we got drunk and watched 'requiem for a dream' which I hadn't seen. it was some fucked up shit. I passed out at 3.
  • when I woke up there were six messages on my voicemail from a friend of mine from northeastern. I hadn't seen her in like 2 years and I hadn't spoken to her in 6 months, at least. the messages were all completely insane and manic. apparently, my friend had discovered the secrets of the universe, which she'd written down in her notebook. but she couldn't read them, you see, cuz she'd thought about them too much. but *I* could read them. and she had to talk to me right away, she stressed. over and over. right away, right away. I was really hung over when I got these messages and this was like the wrongest possible way to start a day, let me tell you.
  • jesse let me drive back from poughkeepsie that night. that part was great actually, no problem there. yes.
  • I got back and I had to bust ass on IRUNRAP.com cuz it was supposed to be up on the 1st. I immediately settled into stressful work-related panic mode cuz all sorts of last-minute problems started to present themselves. they're still not worked out (the site, as you will note, ain't up yet, blaaagh) but I sure had a bunch of heart attacks trying to wrangle them all Monday and et cetera.
  • while I was doing this, this gallery, which had accepted the bathroom for their upcoming multimedia exhibition, called me up to tell me that I had to go to san fransisco and set the shit up. I had previously believed that a) I did not have to do this and b) that the exhibition was much much later on in the year. so I freaked out and went online to buy a dvd player, which I would need, and I was trying to figure out how I could possibly buy a projector when some of my friends and coworkers were like "shit dude that's fucked", in so many words, so I waited to sort it all out, equipmentwise, although I didn't cancel the dvd player cuz I needed one anyway. yeah.
  • I called my dad and got his financial assistance with the plane tickets and hotel reservations. bleah. yeah I know it's a loser move but I'd rather that than not go, aiiight? bleah.
  • the next day was real stressful as well AND I found out that my freakazoid schizo friend had started harrassing my MOM. like she called the newton police and sent them to my house cuz 'someone there is having a drug overdose', and then called my mom and left a bunch of insane and wack messages on her machine. I was at a concert at RPI with my fone off and when I got home, at like midnight, there were a bunch of new messages, so like I'm all like "great she's calling again", but no, this time it was messages from Lynn, a family friend. she was like 'call me no matter what time it is', and so I did, and thus did the latest chapter of this unholy mess become all too crystal clear.
  • now today I checked my account balance and it's -10 dollars, cuz fucking B&H charged me twice for the shit eating dvd player. but I can't rectify this, noooo, cuz they're closed till tomorrow for some reason. of course their automated computers can still take my motherfucking money but can they unfuck my problems. no. fuck them.
  • also I have 50,000 things on my plate for work and I'm trying to deal with IRUNRAP.com and guess what happens next? my ex-girlfriend calls and I happen to mention that I'm going to san fransisco. she lives in L.A. which isn't really that close to SF but she decides, in a fit of, erm, ALTRUISM or something to DRIVE up there and see me. I'm all like 'erm yeah ok I guess you could do that', and I'm honestly trying to pack as much ambivalence and unexcitedness into my speech cuz really I don't think that would really be that ok, but she's all REALLY REALLY INTO IT and I'm sorta cringing and really I wish that right now I had the energy/balls to just be like '"you know this really isn't that great an idea, this trip is bizness and not pleasure, and plus I'm sort of seeing someone else right now anyway, and also I kind of want to go by myself and have the surreal wacko feeling of walking around a strange and alien city by myself so really you should just stay home cuz I think you have some misconceptions about me and 'us' right now and seeing you on this trip would a) exacerbate that and b) irritate me unbelievably while I'm trying to do something very important to me that has zip to do with male-female type relations, ok? ok." but I don't and I didn't and so I am seriously dreading any conversations and/or interactions surrounding this.
... so yeah all that's sincerely beyond wack but what can you do? I dunno. anyone got any advice? cuz I really really NEED IT. yes.

otherwise things aren't that bad really, they're just kind of nuts, but so yeah ask me again how I'm doing in two weeks and we shall see. word UP.

-fish

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04/04/2002 16:49:22 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“agggthpth”
so yeah I started to update shit about my weekend, but then I got all pissed off cuz this journal thing is turning into "My Weekend Report, by Fish" so I ended up aborting all attempts one by one. anyway now it's sunny here in troy. it's been pretty crappy this past week, there's been torrential rain and horizontally-windblown hellish snowstorms and altogether too much gray in general.

in fact, the sun is shining on my laptop in such a way that my hands are reflected on the screen in a peculiar manner, so while typing this there are ghostly images of my fingers dancing overlaid on top of the web page.

ISN'T THAT FUCKING FASCINATING!!!

anyway yeah. it's sunny. I fucking love the sun. that big ol' ball of fusioning plasmatic hydrogen really turns my crank fo'real. yes.

yeah so IRUNRAP.com is soft-launching april fool's day. watch yo backs. also tomorrow I launch the rpi iear redesign. I'm sure both of these things will involve lots of crack abuse and whatnot, as is always the case with any sort of crunch time, so you'll hear about it I'm sure. yes.

yeah. the weekend was good. I hung out with maqui, primarily. it was good. also I drank a shitload of coffee at Dean and Delcua(tm) and the News Cafe, where I used to go everyday when I worked at Liquid. I called old friends impetuously and yelled at them to come out and play. I rode the subway and I almost got arrested for videotaping a sign in penn station, cuz apparently that's something terrorists like to do. but yeah it was just peachy-dandy and I achieved the zen-like state of utter bliss one can only achieve when one lives in troy and then gets to go to new york for the weekend, yeahyeah.

also the 80's parteee this past friday was pretty nuts, let me tell you. there was more a/v equipment than I knew to exist in troy there, and tons of nuts shit went down. did I mention it took place in a mostly abandoned shopping mall in downtown troy? like smack dab in the center of 'downtown'? well it did. definately not my best video work, but it really didn't matter, cuz I could have projected the home shopping network and the throngs of drunkards, in their goodwill izod shirts and intentionally ripped jeans, would have raved on just the same. after rushing out the back with our laptops clutched to our chest, tyler, kathy, jesse and myself proceeded to engage in the typical 40's-and-rooftop type behavior, and we kept going 'till the literal breaka dawn. I got to 'sleep' at 7 AM and then woke right the fuck back up at 9 to ride amtrak to new york. it was some ultra depraved shit, I must say. while I myself wasn't 100% gung-ho behind the theme and crowd of the parteee, I can't deny that I never stopped smiling throughout the affair. it was good. yes.

aw, the sun changed and I can't see my ghostly disembodied fingers reflected on the screen anymore. well BOO HISS. just for that I'm going to drink more water and go work on something else now. yes.

boundless love,

-fi$$$$h2000

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03/28/2002 13:08:22 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“alls I can say is BOOOOG.”
yeah so yeah. wednesday morn, it is. which means last night was tuesday night. typically an uneventful night, at least in most places. but not TROY, NEW YORK. oh no. on tuesdays we like to get exceptionally loose here in troy. my 'posse', or 'gang' if you will, has been granted the right to completely and totally fuck a local dive bar up digital style every tuesday eve. for six to eight beautiful hours, the dank, forboding bowels of 'positively 4th street' (on 4th street, in troy) become a serious artistic nightmare. and yes, last night, I was indeed at the zenith of the a/v maelstrom, rockin' the block with more controlled video feedback than you can possibly shake a stick at.

yes. for once, I experienced none of the horrible internal despair issues that have plagued me in the past after my shows. this was becuz at heart, I liked what I did. I am currently in the process of awakening to the fact that no matter how much praise you may receive after doing some sort of art in public, if your own mistakes and shortcomings and complications are visible to you in the final mix (as it were), you're going to hate on your own shit fo'real. and while yes there were problems with my shit last night, I was happy enough with what happened to safely say that IT WORKED. bear with me cuz this is personally a big deal here.

yes. and now I'm hung over. they give you free shitty beer at 'positively 4th street' when you throw down, you see, and after the show jesse and I continued our long-standing tradition of purchasing the shittiest 40's available at the local 'mini-mart' and subsequently drinking them on the roof of my building while smoking cigarettes and screaming about every possible interesting conversation topic with 'money hungry bitches' emanating softly from the portal that leads back down through 2 of my secret rooms to my living room, where the stereo is. yes. it's a fundamentally problematic setup, really, cuz every wednesday morning there's the big superimportant faculty-staff meeting, and so I end up gasping for breath as I haul my exceptionally hung-over self up the hill, frequently with heavy equipment in tow, only to find that no other faculty or staff members will sit anywhere near me cuz I still reek of shit beer and cigarettes. usually I'm comforted in these uncomfortable moments with the knowledge that at least one other faculty or staff member is similarly beshitted, and so I don't have to suffer the embarrasment of it alone cuz there's some other f.'d up soul in the room with whom I can exchange knowing glances and mimetic references (e.g. holding an imaginary bottle up and pretending to drink from it, that sort of thing) to the previous night's debauchery and flagrant disregard for the globally accepted workweek schedule.

so yes. also I should mention that jesse's segment of the show was by far some of the illest shit in the book. he played with this dj who was ultra sick, and they were just throwing ridiculous samples back and forth like it was fucking ping pong. the bassist from this band that played later joined in, and at one point he was following the digital bassline out of some fucked up sample jesse threw in, like to a TEE, and I almost fell out of my chair as the full force of the illmatic synergy washed over me. I could barely keep my fingers on the mouse, let me tell you.

all of this is some 'you had to be there' type shit, I realize, so maybe sometime soon I'll link in mp3s and/or movie clips so you can see just what the fuck I'm going on about. yes.

anyway yeah. it's a royally shit day today. snow and sleet is just plummeting from the heavens with reckless abandon. it's seriously retarded how simple shit like that ends up making me miss new york city. to wit: I was walking to work today with my hood up over my headfones, and what I ended up missing about new york this time was how when it's shitty out, and you get on the subway, and you miraculously snag a seat, you get this one tiny little luscious bubble of time between boarding the train and getting off where you can just kick it, unwind, remove your hood or hat or fold up your umbrella or whatever and sit there, pretending not to stare at your fellow commuters and/or reading little bits of the book the person next to you is reading. preferably while you're listening to the aforementioned 'money hungry bitches' on the headfones, or some such similar track. yes. a mere five minutes.

anyway yeah there it is. it's the truth. more later, after the weekend, yeahyeah.

-fish

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03/20/2002 11:34:21 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“drinking drinking drinking drinking coca coca cola”
yesterday was a weird day. I was up late sunday night, and I felt pretty good all day, but I was super fucking tired. at one point I took a nap under my desk and this struck me as a perfectly normal activity. I went home and ate a big pile of macaroni and cheese (the orange 'kraft' variety, in the shape of various 'pokemon' characters) and immediately fell asleep for six hours at 8 in the evening. I had left soundjam playing music (and yeah I still rock soundjam, itunes can suck my balls, it's awful) and when I woke up some thoroughly other shit was coming out of the speakers. also all the lights were on and there was 'cheese sauce' congealing on my medium-sized saucepan. fucking weird.

or rather, it was exceptionally weird if you're me. if you're you, that is, some random person reading the page, you're probably more like "naw, that's just stupid" and believe you me, I feel you. but if you're me, it was wacky like that. yes.

anyway yeah. I didn't go to new york this past weekend. it was the first weekend I've spent in troy in about five weeks, and let me tell you, if I have anything to do about things it'll be the last. at least for a while. mainly I sat by my window and read a book. I got up and ate food occasionally and I smiled when the sun made its way through the clouds. I was so tremendously bored I get bored just thinking about it, blaaagh.

ah well anyway you know I'm gone this weekend, fo'real. the logistical issues that munged my trip last time don't stand a chance. I'll have to go down early saturday instead of friday, cuz friday I'll be playing an all-nite rave parteee that's getting thrown in this abandoned minimall in the middle of downtown troy. the parteee is extremely heavily 80's themed, to the point where you can't get in if the bouncer deems your outfit to fall below a given threshold of 80'sness. they're parking a rack of goodwill 80's clothes for sale outside the door so those who didn't prepare can hastily augment their look.

I personally feel like most of the 80's hype is undeserving. but not to fear: myself and my people have taken it upon ourselves to represent old-skool hiphop in leu of 'desperately seeking susan'-esque cheezeball aesthetics. I personally will be remixing 'style wars', the seminal grafitti doco classic. I plan to show up in a red addidas jumpsuit as well, so there. yes.

so yeah there's that. and there's some other shit in the works way later: some high-flying academic digital art motherfuckers here at rpi have decided to let me throw down at some sort of gigantic a/v gig this may. it's going to be a seriously fucked up extravaganza and I can't wait. I'll post more details when I know 'em but let me tell you right now it will involve more screens than I've worked with yet, and 16mm film loops, and a bunch of academic bigshots in the audience getting their faces blown off my yours truly and my crew. I'm 'essited', as E. might say.

anyway yeah. if you have any good non-meat-containing recepies, tell me what they are cuz I want to make some extra special shit for maqui this weekend. cuz she's super fucking dope like that. right? right.

-F I $ H 2 0 0 0

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03/19/2002 11:44:38 EST •  tags: tangram.tv/rant
“I just went to florida”
so yes. I just went to florida. yesterday I drove and/or rode in the following vehicles, in order of appearance:

  • sport utility vehicle
  • airport monorail
  • dc-9 airplane
  • new york mta bus
  • new york subway
  • COME ON FEET!! CRUISE FOR ME!
  • new york taxi
  • amtrak train
  • soccer mom van
  • the ethereal nighttime tapestry of REM sleep

yeah so now I'm back. I'm super sunburned, cuz I'm super white. this, plus the unfortunate DEFCON-1 type behavior I exhibited in my mad panic to get to the airport on time, were the only real problems with the vacation. it was just stupid good. my people on this little jaunt consisted of the following individuals:
  • myself (crack behaviour, laptop, ultrawhite skin)
  • anthony (boundless love, iPod, trancendantly complex pants)
  • joy lynn (harmonizing fluidity, sport utility vehicle, rivetingly long braids)
  • gabe (hyperbolic pinpoint wit, acoustic guitar, brilliant red 'COCOA BEACH' hat)
  • staci (sp?) (bidirectional affection multiplexing, lost wallet, dynamically scalable intra-melanocyte production capacity)


we all partook (is that a fucking word?) in disney's lush and expansive entertainment shmorgasbord with varying degrees of ironic perspective (most of which I reserved for EPCOT and their ridiculous inadvertant future-retro boards of canada-tastic aesthetic; I regarded other attractions like 'animal kingdom' and the 'tower of terror' with the lowest intellectual guardedness and the highest quotient of single-digit-aged pie-eyed wonder and visceral pleasure). even though security made us dump out most of our covertly-packaged booze, it was sincerely ill.

we managed to get through three disney theme parks before breaking down and spending any money at all (joy lynn got us in on the sly via connections she forged when playing Pocahontas and Mulan characters in her youth), and that was just a few bucks on food + coffee, so unbelievers TAKE NOTE: disney can be done on the cheap. the place will only drain your wallet if you're a sucka, fo'real.

also we went to the beach. that was ultra fucking ill, let me just tell you. througho