07/15/2002 17:08:34 EST • tags: tangram.tv/rant
so empirically I have discovered what everyone already must've known: the automobile industries are feeding us all schuuuuge packs of lies. cuz like, in all those car commercials, they show some dude driving a car 100mph+ down some crazy hillside road w/ no other cars or irritating pedestrians or potholes or anything. just pure EXCITEMENT, yes. well fuck that. what I want is a car built for driving in new york city. it will feature the following:
- super gnarly tires (possibly w/ retratctable spikes) and suspension for dealing with shitty roads, potholes, etc
- 'turbocharger' and/or nitrous for stop-n-go fun
- wheels that rotate 90 degrees to facilitate parallel parking in tiny spaces
- video cameras in rear bumper, to better see what assholes behind you are up to
- onboard computer that knows where to get gas, where cheap bagels are, etc. and will also call your friend via cellfone and provide excuses for showing up late
- looks hot, to impress ladies and/or make men jealous
anyway so yeah we seriously rocked the motherfuckin spot down on rooseveldt island this past saturday. kevin luddy will be hosting a quicktime of my freakout video shit sometime soon. it was good to play live again; I threw everything incl. the kitchen sink at the audience, jesse dropped both '1977' and 'top billin' on 'em, and at the end we slowed everything down to 6 BPM while pumping our pointed fingers in the air and (appropriately) screaming '6 BPM!!!' at people.
maqui showed up, too. that was interesting. if you want to know more about that you can mail me cuz I sure as fucking ain't tellin no web browser about that shit, nono, sorry.
the weekend was, as nyc weekends for myself tend to be, super action packed. I crashed at Z's place, and she was all nice and fed me good food, but her new cat ('gambi') really failed to win me over. it was in my face CONSTANTLY both saturday and sunday morning in the interval between 6 and 9 AM, which really sucked when you consider I've spent the whole last week in a crack haze due to my video shoot and preparations for the weekend, etc, so yeah I really really didn't need this motherfucking wackjob of a cat meowing at 200 dB right next to my head in the early morn.
yeah but aside from that everything was ill, pretty much. not only was the show real nice but I spent the rest of saturday running around and seeing people and generally acting nuts. I drove all over the city, from the upper recesses of long island city to the bowels of downtown bklyn, and all in between. I got my due dose of chinatown in and all that entails (pearl paint, excellent m-f'n dumpling house, bottles of ribena(tm), useless weird pieces of plexiglas, etc). there was a brief stopover at a parteee with college friends wherein drunk girls shouted 'I LOVE YOU!!!' to me while I drove off in a puff of smoke. there was also too much coffee at all hours of the day, a thoroughly fruitless search for 'S,M,L,XL' in various artsy fartsy bookstores, gin 'n' tonics, a bklyn backyard screening of 'the royal tenenbaums' super duper special edition digital video disc, and soul-crushing bumper-to-bumper BQE traffic problems.
word so yeah. if I get more nyc gigs I'm gonna fly high, you watch. that shit is the definition of ill I reflect. now I'm sunburned and I'm going to go lie down for a looong time and read a book and curse the fact that I don't have a personal foot masseuse. yes.
-fish!
